Triggers in parenting are hard to avoid, and it’s completely normal for women to experience a variety of emotions. At the same time, they can help themselves move from simply reacting to patterns learned in childhood to creating healthier, more understanding relationships.

Many women wonder why they love their children more than anything in the world, yet they get so angry with them so quickly. It happens when the children fight with each other, when they slow everything down just when it’s time to leave, or when they refuse to clean up their toys. Kids say they’re hungry, she makes them food, and then they don’t eat it. And when the children start acting out or talking back, it’s hard to keep calm.

In those moments, women might find themselves yelling, sometimes even shaking or hitting their children, and afterward, they feel overwhelmed with guilt.

Reflecting on their own childhoods, many women wonder: how did their parents react when they resisted, refused to clean, or expressed their feelings? Often, they realise they didn’t behave that way. They knew they couldn’t. They were too afraid. They knew their place. They didn’t have tantrums, cry, or throw themselves on the floor. They were “good” girls and now expect the same from their own children.

But why didn’t they express themselves as children? What would have happened if they had said what they wanted or behaved how they felt? They say their parents would have yelled, lock them in the room, or taken away their toys. And how would they have felt then? Probably ashamed. Lonely. Scared and sad.

❗️Now, as mothers, when their children act like children ( naturally with lack of skills of self control and impulsivity), it can feel like a threat. ❗️
They react as though their child’s behavior puts them in danger because if they had behaved that way as children, it might have led to real psychological, emotional, or physical harm.

In truth, situations with children often bring up fears and pain from a mother’s own childhood. These experiences are unconsciously recreated in new relationships, and children’s behavior can reopen those old wounds.

So, I’m inviting you all to recognise and become conscious of your triggers and reflect on your own childhood. Even if you didn’t experience severe punishments or shouting as a child, situations with your kids might still bring up suppressed feelings from always being the “good girl”. As well you might saw how parents and other adults misbehaved with other siblings or with each other.

Many of you might feel unsure about how to process and integrate feelings from your childhood. I’ll share some information here, some in classes, but more in private meetings, as everyone’s situation is unique and different and needs time to be integrated.

Wishing you all conscious parenting and deeper self-awareness.❤️